By: Jessica Gendron
This blog is the second in a two-part series. Before reading this blog, we recommend reading “Why Your Self-Advocacy Doesn’t Work and What to Do About It.”
Sometimes, our attempts to advocate for ourselves don’t work, leaving us feeling defeated and unsure of what to do next. These experiences can make us feel uncertain of our future, doubt our abilities, and begin to build growing dissatisfaction with our current environment. Left unattended, those feelings can lead to resentment, lower performance, and disengagement.
I get it. We’ve all been there. Frankly, there have been many times in my career and personal life when my self-advocacy didn’t work, and I felt lost on what to do next. These moments often put us at a crossroads of an impossible decision. So, what do you do when your self-advocacy doesn’t work?
You ask more questions.
- Ask More Questions of the Person Who Said “No”: Your goal is to understand the decision better, what factors impacted the decision, and how you might get a different answer from your efforts in the future.
- Can you help me understand what factors impacted your decision?
- Would you tell me any context I might be missing about the situation that contributed to your answer?
- What are some things that would be necessary for the decision to be different?
- What specific things can I work on to get a different answer in the future?
- When would be an appropriate time to ask again?
- Ask More Questions of Yourself: Once you’ve asked questions of the other person, it’s time to ask yourself questions. Chances are the answers (or lack thereof) you received to your questions leave you feeling less than satisfied. It’s now time to ask yourself some hard questions.
- How important is this to me?
- How important is it to my career/life?
- How long am I willing to delay getting what I want? What is my personal deadline?
- What are all the factors contributing to the result of my self-advocacy? How likely am I to overcome these obstacles?
- What are all the possible paths for me following the result of my self-advocacy? What are the pros and cons of each path?
- How can I navigate the emotions I feel about this result?
- How will my emotions help or hinder me moving forward?
- Are there alternative solutions that I should explore?
Many times, our self-advocacy won’t work. Many factors contribute to unsuccessful self-advocacy. When we are unsuccessful, we must ask ourselves how likely our efforts will succeed in the future or if the obstacles we face are surmountable. We don’t always have control or influence over everything impacting the result.
In many cases, we may need to explore other paths to get what we need and want from our careers or lives. Those decisions are never easy and often feel extremely scary. The inconvenient truth, however, is that not every job, employer, friendship, partner, etc., can give us everything we need or want. We, as individuals, have to prioritize what is most important, advocate for it, and, if we don’t get it, decide if we can live with it or find places or people where our priorities are fulfilled.
Jessica Gendron is a leadership expert and culture strategist. Serving as the President and CEO of The Center for Leadership Excellence, she designs powerful leadership courses, delivers impactful training, and inspires leaders as a keynote speaker. Contact Jessica today to discuss how she might help current and emerging leaders in your organization succeed.
To read more about self-advocacy, check out Jessica’s book: What It Takes To Shatter Glass: Embrace Your Power and Create the Future You Want in Your Career, Life and Relationships