I was recently working with our Emerging Leaders Academy and had a thought to share one of the messages we talk about, because it’s relevant to far more than just emerging female leaders—or even women exclusively. In the second-to-last session of our 12-month cohort, we talk about resilience for female leaders.
Much of the messaging around resilience focuses on the idea that we will all face adversity in our lives and careers, and that we should simply “push through it” or “bounce back.” I’ll admit, I’m guilty of using that language when talking about resilience, too.
But resilience isn’t just about how we overcome and rebound from adversity—it’s also about how we navigate failure. Talking about resilience through the lens of rethinking failure is particularly valuable for professionals, and especially for professional women.
How Women are Socialized Around Failure
Women are often socialized to avoid mistakes. We’re expected to be perfect, and when we’re not, that failure isn’t just about what we didn’t accomplish—it becomes about who we are. We tend to internalize failure more than our male counterparts.
As a result, many women overprepare to avoid failure or being “found out” for not being as smart, or capable, or confident, or [fill in the blank] as people think we are.
Because of the way women are socialized around failure, we often experience it as a referendum on who we are—not just as professionals, but as bosses, partners, moms, friends, leaders, and [fill in the blank again]. Failure becomes identity damage rather than data we can use to grow and improve. It becomes about our worth, not the work.
And bouncing back from “I failed” is very different from bouncing back from “I’m a failure” or “I’m not good enough.”
Different Types of Failure
It’s important to understand that there are two different types of failure: outcome failure and identity failure.
An outcome failure is when a strategy, decision, or action doesn’t produce the desired result. The failure is situational and specific. It focuses on what didn’t work, not who you are. Outcome failures keep us in the learning zone and allow us to approach challenges, adversity, and failure with a growth mindset. They ask questions like: What can I learn? What can I adjust? What could I do differently next time to get a different outcome?
An identity failure happens when an outcome is interpreted as evidence of personal worth, capability, or adequacy in a role. The failure becomes personal and global, applying not just to the situation at hand but to how we see ourselves overall. The focus shifts to self-judgment. Identity failures live in the threat zone and activate our fight, flight, or freeze responses. They ask questions like: What does this say about me? What does this say about who I am?
Outcome failures are about performance.
Identity failures are about worth.
Why Does this Matter: Resilience for Female Leaders?
Women are unintentionally trained to equate competence with likability. So, when we make a mistake, we often perceive it as affecting both our credibility and how we’re perceived socially. Being wrong or making a mistake can feel socially risky.
As a result, women often unintentionally code outcome failures as identity failures. We turn “That didn’t work” into “I’m not cut out for this.”
Those identity failures directly impact a woman’s ability to lead effectively. They:
- Activate threat responses (fight, flight, freeze)
- Shrink risk-taking tolerance
- Make feedback feel dangerous
- Encourage avoidance of anything that can’t be done perfectly
- Undermine self-advocacy (“Maybe I shouldn’t speak up next time”)
- Make it harder to reconsider assumptions, try new approaches, or admit uncertainty
This is why resilience for female leaders isn’t just mental toughness; it’s the ability to keep failures in the outcome column.
Failure is Feedback
When we keep failure firmly in the outcome column, it becomes data. Failure shifts from being about who we are to what we need to rethink. In this framework, failure becomes a feedback loop.
We start asking different questions: What could I do differently? What assumptions might I be making? How else could I approach this problem?
Resilience, then, isn’t about pushing through or bouncing back. It’s about learning faster, updating your beliefs, and staying curious. Resilience isn’t toughness; it’s adaptability.
Resilience and Rethinking Failure
The best leaders aren’t the ones who get it right most often; they’re the ones who update the fastest.
This idea aligns closely with the work of organizational psychologist Adam Grant, particularly in his book Think Again. Grant argues that strong leaders aren’t defined by certainty, but by curiosity, the willingness to question assumptions, revise beliefs, and stay open to new information.
When failure feels like identity damage, rethinking becomes almost impossible. But when failure is treated as outcome-based feedback, it creates space to ask better questions, try new approaches, and adapt without shame. That’s where resilience actually lives, not in pushing harder, but in thinking differently.
For women in leadership, resilience isn’t about proving we belong by being flawless. It’s about separating our worth from our outcomes and giving ourselves permission to learn, adjust, and grow, again and again.
Jessica Gendron is a women’s leadership expert and culture strategist. She is President of The Center for Leadership Excellence, an Indianapolis-based firm. She works with organizations and individuals to elevate leaders, strengthen culture, and empower meaningful careers.