As a mom of two, I am deep in the trenches of youth sports. Sitting through practices, games, and competitions gives me a front-row seat to leadership in action, both good and bad. From the sidelines, I regularly see lessons about leadership communication, managing frustration, and what happens when emotions aren’t handled well. What I witness often mirrors what I teach young leaders and professionals about emotional intelligence and the importance of communicating in a way that builds trust rather than damages it.
While I have no expertise that would qualify me to coach any sport, I do have extensive experience teaching people how to communicate more effectively, provide feedback, and lead others. Much of that work centers on managing emotions at work, especially in moments of pressure, stress, or disappointment.
Recently, I watched a coach grow increasingly frustrated with some athletes during a practice. You could see the frustration building in their demeanor long before anything was said. Eventually, that frustration spilled over, and the coach was left doing damage control the next day—with the kids, their parents, the rest of the team, and the rest of the parents.
As I watched that moment unfold, I couldn’t help but think about how often this same dynamic plays out in leadership. Managing frustration is one of the most common—and most challenging—parts of leading people. Frustration is a completely valid emotion. Leaders are absolutely entitled to feel it. The difference between effective and ineffective leadership is not whether frustration exists, but how it is managed and communicated.
How To Manage Frustration in Leadership
Acknowledge The Feelings
First, Acknowledge the Feelings. A critical component of emotional intelligence for leaders is the ability to recognize strong emotions as they arise, an idea well documented in leadership research. Simply acknowledging “I’m feeling frustrated” creates an intentional pause. That pause is often the difference between thoughtful leadership communication and emotional spillover that causes unintended damage.
Give Yourself Space to Feel
Next, Give Yourself Space to Feel Your Feelings. When emotions are high—whether frustration, anger, disappointment, or offense—you are not ready to address behavior or performance. Emotions can cloud judgment and interfere with giving effective feedback. Managing emotions at work may mean stepping away for a few minutes or being honest enough to say, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, and I’m not in the best place to respond productively. Let’s take a break.”
Keep It Factual
Then, Keep It Factual.
When you are ready to talk, grounding the conversation in facts rather than assumptions is essential for effective leadership communication. Too often, feedback begins with assumptions about intent or effort. Statements like, “You didn’t give your all to that project,” reflect feelings, not facts.
A more effective approach is using a structured feedback framework such as SBI—Situation, Behavior, Impact. This approach supports giving effective feedback by focusing on observable behavior and outcomes rather than emotion or blame. You describe the situation, identify their behavior or actions within that situation, and explain its impact on the situation overall. This keeps feedback developmental rather than punitive, helping leaders manage frustration without escalating tension.
Focusing on facts also opens the door to understanding what may have contributed to the behavior. Perhaps the employee felt stuck, didn’t know who to ask for help, or encountered obstacles outside their control. Using SBI helps leaders move from frustration to problem-solving, an essential skill for managing emotions at work.
The Inconvenient Truths of Leadership
Here’s one of the inconvenient truths of leadership: your feelings are not someone else’s responsibility. Even when someone contributes to your frustration, managing that emotional response is still your responsibility as a leader. This level of accountability is a core element of emotional intelligence for leaders and reinforces the importance of managing your own emotions, even when someone is intentionally provoking you.
There’s another inconvenient truth, too: their feelings are your responsibility. How someone experiences your feedback or communication is part of leadership accountability. Effective leadership communication requires attention to both intent and impact. Leaders must be able to adjust how they communicate so their message is not only delivered clearly, but received as intended.
Managing Frustration Without Losing Trust
In a perfect world, that coach would have stepped away as frustration began to rise. But nobody is perfect. I can’t count how many times I’ve reacted poorly to my own kids when I was overwhelmed, only to backtrack and repair the damage later—and they’re my kids! I know I’ve made similar mistakes with the people who work with me and for me, too.
The truth is, feelings are part of being human, and that means they will show up at work. That’s okay. What matters is how leaders manage those feelings and move forward constructively. Managing frustration, practicing emotional intelligence, and giving effective feedback, in a factual, thoughtful way, are what separate strong leadership moments from those that require repair. You are responsible for your own feelings. Have them; just don’t let them spill out all over everyone else.
Managing Frustration for Leaders is a Critical Skill
Managing frustration is one of the most overlooked yet essential leadership skills. Emotions will show up at work; that’s unavoidable. What matters is how leaders manage those emotions and communicate when things don’t go as planned. Strong leadership communication, grounded in emotional intelligence, turns frustration into a signal rather than a spillover. When leaders pause, focus on facts, and commit to giving effective feedback, they build trust rather than erode it.
Managing emotions at work isn’t about suppressing how you feel; it’s about taking responsibility for your feelings and responding in ways that support growth, accountability, and stronger teams.
As President of The Center for Leadership Excellence, Jessica Gendron is a leadership expert and culture strategist. She is the author of What It Takes to Shatter Glass, a book that explores the barriers women face in leadership and explores a path to personal development and organizational change. To have Jessica speak to your organization, email her at jgendron@cleindy.com.