My Boss Is a Bully – What Can I Do?
By: Patty Prosser
You would think that in this day and age of “enlightened” leadership, my clients wouldn’t still be bringing this up in our coaching sessions.
But lately, I’ve been hearing this more and more. I find this especially troubling because I know companies want to create environments where employees thrive and want to add value. Employees who are being bullied by their boss can be deeply affected by this behavior, even when the behavior is subtle or difficult to prove. And the effects can be long-lasting and often go far beyond the workplace.
There Are Numerous Ways a Bullying Boss Can Affect an Employee
1. Loss of confidence
Constant criticism, humiliation, or undermining can cause employees to question their abilities and second-guess themselves. Even highly capable employees may begin to feel they are not good enough.
2. Increased stress and anxiety
Employees may live in a constant state of anticipation, wondering when the next criticism, confrontation, or unreasonable demand will occur. This can make going to work emotionally exhausting.
3. Reduced performance and productivity
A bullied employee may spend more energy trying to avoid mistakes or manage the boss’s reactions than focusing on their actual work. Fear often reduces creativity, initiative, and decision-making.
4. Withdrawal and isolation
Employees may stop speaking up, contributing ideas, or interacting with colleagues. They may feel safer staying quiet and invisible rather than risking another negative encounter.
5. Damage to physical and emotional well-being
Prolonged exposure to bullying can affect sleep, energy, mood, and overall well-being. The stress may eventually follow the employee home and affect relationships and family life.
6. Fear of speaking up
Employees may be reluctant to report the behavior because they fear retaliation, damage to their career, or being labeled as “difficult” or unable to handle pressure.
7. Loss of trust in the organization
When a company knows – or should know – about bullying and allows it to continue, employees often lose trust not only in the boss but also in senior leadership and the organization itself.
8. Leaving the organization
Eventually, talented employees may decide that protecting their well-being is more important than staying in a job they once valued.
In many cases, employees don’t leave the company – they leave the leader.
Behavioral Signs of Bullying
Recognizing a workplace bully involves looking for a persistent pattern of targeted, unreasonable behavior designed to intimidate, degrade, or control, rather than isolated moments of high-stress management.
- Constant public or private belittling: Making sarcastic remarks, insults, or personal attacks instead of focusing constructively on work performance.
- Unreasonable demands: Setting impossible deadlines, shifting goals without notice, or overloading tasks specifically to induce failure.
- Isolation and exclusion: Deliberately leaving the employee out of crucial meetings, email chains, or everyday team communication.
- Stealing credit or blame shifting: Taking credit for successes while unfairly assigning blame for errors that were outside the employee’s control.
- Unfounded threats: Constantly weaponizing job security, demotions, or negative performance reviews to coerce compliance.
What Employees Can Do
When leaders experience a bullying boss, the instinct may be to tolerate the behavior, work harder, or try to avoid becoming the next target. But bullying from a boss can damage confidence, decision-making, performance, and overall well-being.
Leaders need to respond thoughtfully and strategically.
1. Recognize the behavior for what it is
Bullying may include public humiliation, intimidation, excessive criticism, threats, deliberately withholding information, setting impossible expectations, or repeatedly undermining someone’s authority. Identifying patterns is an important first step.
2. Document specific incidents
Keep a factual, private record of what happened, when it occurred, who was present, and how it affected your work. Save relevant emails, messages, or other documentation.
3. Avoid responding emotionally in the moment
A bullying boss may escalate when challenged publicly or emotionally. Stay calm and professional. You can be firm without becoming confrontational.
4. Set clear boundaries when possible
For example:
“I’m willing to discuss this concern, but I’d like us to do so without personal attacks.”
Or:
“I want to resolve this issue. Can we focus on the specific problem and what you would like me to do differently?”
5. Build a support system
Talk with trusted colleagues, mentors, HR professionals, or an executive coach. Isolation often makes bullying more powerful.
6. Understand the organization’s policies and options
Review policies regarding workplace conduct, harassment, retaliation, and reporting concerns. Consider the safest and most appropriate way to raise the issue.
7. Protect your reputation and leadership credibility
Do not allow the boss’s behavior to pull you into gossip, retaliation, or unprofessional behavior. Continue to lead your team with consistency and professionalism.
8. Know when to escalate – and when to leave
There are situations where addressing the behavior directly may be appropriate, and others where escalation or leaving the organization may be the healthiest option. Knowing the difference is an important part of protecting yourself and your leadership credibility.
What Organizations Can Do
Companies have a responsibility to address bullying leaders quickly and consistently. Ignoring the behavior can damage morale, increase turnover, reduce trust, and create a culture where employees feel unsafe speaking up.
1. Define bullying clearly
Employees and leaders need to understand what constitutes bullying—such as intimidation, humiliation, threats, public criticism, exclusion, or a persistent pattern of undermining others.
2. Create safe ways to report concerns
Employees should have multiple confidential avenues for reporting bullying, including HR, senior leadership, ethics hotlines, or other designated contacts.
3. Take every report seriously
Companies should investigate patterns and complaints objectively rather than dismissing behavior because a leader is a high performer or “gets results.”
4. Hold leaders accountable
Leadership performance should be measured not only by results, but also by how those results are achieved. A leader who delivers strong numbers while damaging people and culture is still creating a serious organizational problem.
5. Address the behavior early
Some leaders may be worth saving and may benefit from direct feedback, leadership development, coaching, and clear behavioral expectations. The company should establish specific expectations and timelines for improvement.
6. Take action when behavior does not change
Repeated bullying should have real consequences. Companies undermine their credibility when they give leaders endless chances to change without requiring accountability.
7. Look beyond the individual incident
Companies should ask whether the bullying is part of a broader cultural problem. If employees fear retaliation or believe senior leaders tolerate toxic behavior, the organization must address those systemic issues as well.
The Most Important Lesson
It’s critical to remember that no leadership title makes bullying acceptable.
A strong leader does not have to accept abuse in order to appear resilient or loyal. Sometimes the bravest leadership decision is not to endure the behavior silently, but to address it, protect yourself, and decide what environment will allow you to lead at your best.
Companies cannot afford to protect a bullying leader simply because that person is successful. The short-term results may appear valuable, but the long-term costs – lost talent, damaged trust, lower engagement, and a weakened culture – can be far greater.
The most effective organizations make it clear that leadership success is measured by both what leaders achieve and how they lead people.
Have a Prickly Leadership Challenge?
If you have this or another “prickly” leadership issue you’d like me to discuss in future blogs, please reach out to me directly, and I promise to try to address it!
There’s more than one way to tackle a problem or issue. Sometimes you just might need a little help!
And as always, if you or other leaders in your organization are facing similar challenges, please visit our website at The Center for Leadership Excellence.
Patty Prosser, Co-Founder and Coaching Practice Leader at The Center for Leadership Excellence, 317-727-6464 or pprosser@cciindy.com