By: Jessica Gendron
For centuries, women have had to find ways to advance in systems that weren’t built for our success. This reality has forced women to adapt, strategically working within the existing structures to survive, excel, and ascend. However, there is a fine line between skillfully navigating patriarchal systems (as a necessary evil) and actively reinforcing those same systems—often at the expense of other women.
This phenomenon—where women reinforce the very structures that hold them and others back—is often referred to as “carrying water for the patriarchy.” Understanding the difference between strategically navigating systems of oppression and unwittingly (or intentionally) reinforcing those systems is critical if we are to create workplaces, communities, and industries where all women can thrive.
The Difference: Navigating The System vs. Carrying Its Water
Navigating Patriarchy as a Necessary Evil
Women who navigate within patriarchal systems do so to advance while working to change the system from within—ensuring the women after them don’t face the same barriers they did. This might look like:
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- Adapting to the dominant workplace culture while mentoring and helping other women as they ascend.
- Being strategic to create alliances and gain influence, then using those relationships to advocate for more inclusive policies.
- Learning the power dynamics and using their position of power to challenge unfair practices when they have the leverage to do so.
Women in these situations recognize the structural barriers and find ways to work around them—not because they agree with the system but because they understand that change often requires playing the game while slowly rewriting the rules.
Carrying Water for the Patriarchy
On the other hand, some women uphold and reinforce bias, discrimination, and oppression, either intentionally or unintentionally. This can manifest in ways such as:
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- Policing other women by criticizing their choices, appearance, or leadership styles in ways that reinforce sexist standards.
- Gatekeeping opportunities by denying support or mentorship to other women based on an internalized belief that another woman’s success would mean their demise.
- Invalidating other women’s experiences by dismissing issues of sexism, harassment, or bias as exaggerations or personal failures.
- Enforcing patriarchal norms by shaming women for ambition, asserting that they should “play nice” rather than challenge the status quo.
Women who engage in these behaviors may do so out of self-preservation, internalized misogyny, or even a misguided belief that adhering to patriarchal expectations is the only way to succeed. The problem is that, in doing so, they become enforcers of a system designed to hold women back.
How Women Can Spot It in Themselves
Self-awareness is key to ensuring that we are navigating challenges rather than reinforcing them. Here are some questions women can ask themselves to reflect on your role at work:
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- Am I supporting or undercutting other women? Do I mentor and uplift, or do I judge and criticize from a place of competition?
- Am I challenging unfair standards or enforcing them? Do I speak up when I see bias, or do I uphold unfair expectations for myself and others?
- Am I gatekeeping or creating access? Do I make room for other women at the table, or do I believe that only a few of us can succeed?
- Am I embracing outdated ideas about how women ‘should’ behave? Am I judging other women for being assertive, ambitious, or different from traditional norms?
Recommendations: How Women Can Navigate Without Upholding Patriarchy
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- Mentor, Sponsor, and INVEST in Other Women: Success should not be a zero-sum game. Elevate other women by advocating for their ideas, making introductions, and providing guidance.
- Challenge Bias When You See It: If you hear a sexist comment, notice women being interrupted in meetings, or see unfair treatment, speak up. Your voice can make a difference, particularly in places where you have power and relationships.
- Reframe Competition as Collaboration: The notion that women have only “one seat at the table” is a myth designed to divide them. Instead of competing, work together to create more access. Invite women to attend with you, recommend other voices for the conversations, and encourage leaders to include women who would otherwise be left out of the conversation.
- Support Women’s Choices: Whether it’s leadership style, work-life balance decisions, or how they express ambition, respect other women’s choices instead of critiquing them based on patriarchal expectations.
- Examine Your Own Internalized Bias: We all have unconscious biases shaped by our societal conditioning. Challenge yourself to unlearn limiting beliefs about what women can or should do. Ask yourself, “Is this true? Do I have facts to back up this belief?”
- Use Your Power to Open Doors: If you’re in a leadership position, ensure that hiring, promotion, and workplace policies support gender equity. Advocate for paid parental leave, pay transparency, flexible work options, and anti-bias training (to name a few).
Women have a long history of resilience, and while navigating patriarchal systems may sometimes be necessary, we do not have to do so at the expense of other women. Instead of carrying water for the patriarchy, we can dismantle it—brick by brick—by supporting, uplifting, and championing each other. The next time you find yourself in a position of influence, ask: “Am I making it easier for the next woman to succeed?” If the answer is yes, you are not just navigating the system but helping to change it.
Note: The need to dismantle the patriarchy does not mean that men are inherently bad people or that there are some workplace bullies who live to make the world unfair for women. While there are exceptions to every rule, I live by one fundamental belief: That most people are good and well-meaning but often under-informed. That means that a word like patriarchy will usually spark polarized feelings from people, but most people lack a basic understanding of the topic. Simply put, “patriarchy” refers to a system where men disproportionately control the power and decision-making. Many of these patriarchal systems are old and reticent of times when women had less power, influence, and freedom in society. As a result, these systems were disproportionately created by men for the benefit of men – and exist even still today. Dismantling patriarchy isn’t about taking rights away from men but merely ensuring that women have the same access and rights as they do.