By: Jessica Gendron
I recently relocated to a new area with my husband and two children. Relocation is never easy, especially with kids. It means lots “new” in everyone’s life: new friends, new doctors, new teams and coaches, new relationships. All that new can tax a person but also limit your ability to advocate for your people and yourself appropriately.
Recently, there was an issue with a team my daughter is on. I won’t get into the details of what happened and why, but needless to say, I was dissatisfied with the outcome. Knowing that I teach professionals to advocate for themselves in their careers and lives, I knew I needed to say something. So, I reached out to the leadership to make my case, asking for help and a better solution than I was initially given. Unfortunately, the outcome was the same.
Reflecting on the experience, I realized that this happens a lot in life—and our careers. Sometimes, advocating for ourselves doesn’t work. These experiences can be frustrating, overwhelming, and confusing. However, the power of reflection can turn these feelings into a source of empowerment. It’s essential to not just sit with those feelings but reflect on the experience, why it happened, and what you will do about it moving forward.
Why Did It Happen?
It can be easy to blame a bad boss or a bad leader for why your self-advocacy didn’t work. On occasion, that can be the reason, but often, there are other factors impacting the result:
- Do You Have the Right Relationship? Self-advocacy is most effective when you have a relationship with the people you ask for help. Your efforts are likely futile if you don’t have a relationship or the right type of relationship. Consider how you might strengthen or build relationships to impact your efforts in the future. For example, you might ask for something from a new supervisor. However, if you don’t have a well-established relationship with that supervisor, they might perceive your self-advocacy as inappropriate, unreasonable, or unwarranted, tainting their perception of you in the future and denying your request. Does that mean you don’t ask? No! It just means that you need to take steps to build the relationship and understand how to best self-advocate with the person you’re asking.
- Do You Have All the Information? Self-advocacy requires being prepared with all the information and taking steps to understand any and all factors impacting your efforts. This emphasis on comprehensive details can make you feel more prepared and confident in your advocacy. Prepare to share relevant data when asking for what you want while also ensuring you’ve taken steps to understand the context surrounding your request. For example, you might have all the data to support a request for a raise, but you might not understand the financial landscape that is impacting decisions behind the scenes, or you may not have a clear picture of how your supervisor views your current performance. Does that mean we don’t ask? Of course not; it means we need to take steps to understand all the information before our request is made.
- Is It the Right Time and Place? Time and place are also essential when advocating for yourself. Consider when, where, and how asking for what you want would be best received from the person you ask. As a rule of thumb, people generally don’t like to be blindsided by requests that require meaningful consideration and evaluation. When you surprise people, expect them to respond in surprising ways. For example, if you want to ask for a raise or promotion, don’t plop it in an unrelated email or drop it without warning in a meeting. Send an email, request a separate meeting, provide information in advance, and allow your request to be fully heard by giving the other party time to prepare for the conversation.
- Do You Deserve it? This might be the most challenging but important question to answer. Advocating for a raise, promotion, or more responsibility is something we should all do, but you must understand your current performance level and how your boss views that performance. Are your perceptions aligned? If there is misalignment, you’re likely to be met with disappointment. Advocating for something when your manager thinks it’s not warranted will not end well and could potentially sour the relationship unnecessarily. It’s essential to check in for feedback frequently, ask how you can continue to grow, and inquire in advance as to how you might best position yourself for what you want. If the answer is still “no,” then ask for clarity on how you can change their answer to “yes.”
Considering why your self-advocacy didn’t work allows you to advocate better next time. What if your advocacy efforts didn’t work, and you’re now left feeling defeated that you didn’t get what you wanted? Now it’s time to consider the next steps. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s next blog: “Your Self-Advocacy Didn’t Work: What Now?”
Jessica Gendron is a leadership expert and culture strategist. Serving as the President and CEO of The Center for Leadership Excellence, she designs powerful leadership courses, delivers impactful training, and inspires leaders as a keynote speaker. Contact Jessica today to discuss how she might help current and emerging leaders in your organization succeed.
To read more about self-advocacy, check out Jessica’s book: What It Takes To Shatter Glass: Embrace Your Power and Create the Future You Want in Your Career, Life and Relationships